How to be a terrible dancer!

dreamstime_xxl_41557634If you’ve been reading my column all this time, you’d notice I was telling you how to be a great dancer or why dancing is good for you. This time around though, I thought we’d have a little fun discussing what makes a dreadful dancer. After all, who wants to have fun, enjoy music and connect with others!

Be warned though, if you stray from the below list, you might actually end up being a good dancer.

  • Music is not important. Forget music, who cares right? Just start moving, as fast as you like. Really rush in to it. I mean really, run, run, and run! Faster you move the more attractive you will be! If it is a dance class count randomly, or at a party sing out of tune loud, for extra effect.
  • Be a selfish douche. Move as much as you like, I mean move really big! Who cares if your partner can keep up? Also, it doesn’t matter that others have room to dance too; so throw your arms around, and while at it tread on a few toes – I mean literally.
  • Look down and breathe down your partners’ neck. A sure fire way to be labeled a creep, this will also ensure your partner will never dance again with you again. In addition to being creepy and a partner repellent, you’ll become self-conscious and disorient yourself. If it’s a fast and a travelling dance, you’d be able to bump a few couples off the floor too.
  • Do the bubble head doll. Never look your partner in the eyes, for that matter anywhere near their face. Whenever they make eye contact look the other way. They try left, you go right; they try right, you go left! For extra fun, try this when you’re talking to someone too.
  • Be stiff. Pop your chest out like the ‘Rock’, and put a lot of muscle strength in to your moves. Never relax your body. Oh and don’t breathe too, that might actually cause you to loosen up. Grip your partner as hard as you can, never mind if you pull their shoulders out when you / they spin.
  • Do the hunchback with dead fish arms. This is the exact opposite of the earlier strategy. You become so lifeless so you end up looking like a dead tree about to fall off. Also since you’re arms are dead, your partner won’t be able to lead / follow; there will be lot of bumping in to each other and bleeding toes!
  • See a fancy move? Try it straight away! No, you don’t need to learn or practice, you see – you do! That’s how dancing works, just like you when see a piano and you can start playing beautiful music without an effort. I can’t guarantee you won’t look like a frog in a blender or that people won’t laugh at you though!
  • Wear something totally inappropriate. Come in to a ballroom dance class wearing shorts and a singlet. Make sure they haven’t been washed for a while. How about heavy clunky combat boots to go with it. If you’re a lady out at a party try a big Kandyan Saree!
  • Forget personal hygiene and deodorant. Don’t shower for a week before the class, don’t brush your teeth and have long pointy finger nails to scdreamstime_3709983rape your partner when you hold them. If they run for a tetanus injection after dancing with you – mission accomplished!

 

  • Hog a partner. Be it a social event or dance class, never change partners or take a break. Never let that hot partner go away from you, not even for a second. They will surely stick around to dance with you for the rest of your life! If you see them run at the first possible chance, it’s only because you’re too awesome.

Try the list at your own risk, I am not responsible for you getting punched in the face, heckled or being locked up at the local police station charged with assault.

On a serious note though, this gives you a list of “what not to do”, if you do want to be a good dancer.

This is an article written by DanceRevolt’s Nipuna for the Sunday Observer Youth Magazine. The published article can be found here. Page 1 : Page 2

dancerevoltHow to be a terrible dancer!

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